RANT: Mental Patient: 1 State of Washington: 0

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/20/washington.escaped.killer/index.html

Washington has been really lax on its mental patient holding process. Does anyone remember when that crazy Vietnam veteran escaped in Hope, Washington in 1982 and killed all those police officers in the woods?

Wait, nevermind. That was Rambo. I'm pretty sure he was fictional. Like 84% sure.

Anywho, this mental patient / convicted killer Philip Paul escaped for the 2nd time this weekend while attending a country fair. In case you're wondering, here are a few "red flags" you want to be aware of:

1. Don't trust a mental patient who has two first names, i.e. Philip Paul. There's your first mistake right there. I mean, he could change his name to Paul Philip, shave his face like Harrison Ford in the Fugitive, and you would be shit out of luck in finding this guy.
2. If the guy has already previously escaped once, he's probably going to try again. Especially when he packs all of his belongings into a backpack. He might as well walk up to the sheriff and let him know he'd be checking out the next day, and would like to reconcile his room service bill.
   

Can someone explain to me why were letting a fucking convicted mental patient go on a field trip to a fair? I'm not a convicted mental patient, and I haven't been to a country fair since 1999. Bring me. Secondly, um, he's insane. Throw him in a room with crazy shit on the walls like Shenanigans from Super Troopers and then tell him he went to a fair. This bitch isn't going to know the difference.

And why a fair? This guy killed a woman who he thought was a witch back in the day, and fairs are full of gypsies. They're like second cousins or something. What the hell do you think is going to happen, that you'd buy him some fried dough and let him ride the tea cups and then go home at the end of the day? This crazy bastard was probably roaming the fair looking for Wilbur from Charlotte's Web so he could gut him as a sacrifice.

Side note: do you remember Templeton the rat from that book? What a dick that guy was.

I am glad I don't work in Washington and have to look at my paystub every other week and see the "mental patient country fair trip tax" line item. If you're going to pay for this kind of shit with my taxes, you better tell me when the crazies are going to be there, and provide me with lots of free alcohol, so I can get super ripped and fuck around with them at the fair (p.s. that would be a reality TV show I would watch).

State of Washington, I award you no points, and may God have mercy in your soul.