Twitter: Who gives a shit that you're currently making a ham and cheese sandwich? I don't. And if I hear about another athlete that tweets during halftime I'm going to throw up. What, can't go your busy work-day of being a pro athlete without updating people? Guess what? I know exactly what you're doing right now. How? Because I'm watching you on TV.
Facebook: Stop posting pictures of me when I'm drunk. I don't have the time or inclination to go through and de-tag myself from all these pictures. Here's what I'm going to do to the next person who posts a drunk picture of me. I'm going to find a good embarrassing picture of you, make a ton of copies, and mail them to your family, friends, and coworkers. Oh, and stop sending me stupid fucking hearts and shit. Like, that shit is meaningless. And I supposed to feel a twinge of guilt if I don't poke you back or something? Finally, if we're not communicating on a consistent basis, there's probably 2 reasons: (1) is that I don't care what you're up to, and (2) is that you don't care what I'm up to. So writing me on facebook is not suddenly going to relight our friendship. I call shenanigans on the whole thing.
New rule. Here's the only methods of communication that I will be accepting going forward:
- Phone Call
- Text Message
- Post to my blog
- Come talk to me in person
- Carrier Pigeon
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